Secret Service Agent 1: I'm only going to ask you one more time. Are you working with anyone else?
Secret Service Agent 2: ANSWER him, you slippery son of a bitch!
Secret Service Agent 1: Are you working with anyone else? Anyone else? Yes or no?
Seal: [Leans forward]
Seal: [Coughs]
Seal: [Claps twice]
Secret Service Agent… » 11/07/14 9:03pm 11/07/14 9:03pm

Dog: [Pants]
Dog: [Looks around]
Dog: [Is overloaded by stimuli]
Dog: [Eyes widen]
Dog: [Pants wildly]
Dog: [Flails]
Dog: [Evacuates bowels]
Dog: [Is escorted from field]
Dog Trainer: [Shrugs up at crowd; mimes apology]
PA Announcer: He really left it out on the field, huh? [Chuckles] But seriously, fans, we're sorry for that… » 11/03/14 3:29pm 11/03/14 3:29pm

God, I'm so goddam sick of these shameless, self-glorifying prostitutes, smiling as they drape themselves in whorish iniquity, posing and preening like they aren't way past their sell-by date. But hey, at least one of their freshmen got to take photographs with a porn actress. » 10/24/14 1:24am 10/24/14 1:24am

"JesusjesusjesusJESUS. Oh, good GOD, that's got me jumpy, now."

-Hunter Pence, reacting to a brushback pitch, someone in the second row screeching his name, a malfunctioning car alarm across the street, the yowling of a stray tomcat, whining drills from a construction site down the block, the first pitch of an… » 10/23/14 10:56am 10/23/14 10:56am

Cain: You are about to show me things that have not yet happened... but will happen in the time before us, is that so, Spirit?
Spirit: [Folds of cloak recede, as if nodding]
Cain: Lead on, then, Spirit. The night is waning fast. [Peers ahead into mist] I see... runners on second and third. With nobody out? And we're… » 10/22/14 3:10pm 10/22/14 3:10pm

Make light of it as is your wont, Tom, but... well, there's no other word for it— this is vulgar. Call me an old reactionary, but I far prefer the more dignified methode-de-celebration of my childhood, when fans would celebrate a Royals World Series appearance with a fitful, desultory three-decade dry-hump. » 10/17/14 8:04pm 10/17/14 8:04pm