God, I'm so goddam sick of these shameless, self-glorifying prostitutes, smiling as they drape themselves in whorish iniquity, posing and preening like they aren't way past their sell-by date. But hey, at least one of their freshmen got to take photographs with a porn actress. » 10/24/14 1:24am Yesterday 1:24am

"JesusjesusjesusJESUS. Oh, good GOD, that's got me jumpy, now."

-Hunter Pence, reacting to a brushback pitch, someone in the second row screeching his name, a malfunctioning car alarm across the street, the yowling of a stray tomcat, whining drills from a construction site down the block, the first pitch of an… » 10/23/14 10:56am Thursday 10:56am

Cain: You are about to show me things that have not yet happened... but will happen in the time before us, is that so, Spirit?
Spirit: [Folds of cloak recede, as if nodding]
Cain: Lead on, then, Spirit. The night is waning fast. [Peers ahead into mist] I see... runners on second and third. With nobody out? And we're… » 10/22/14 3:10pm Wednesday 3:10pm

Make light of it as is your wont, Tom, but... well, there's no other word for it— this is vulgar. Call me an old reactionary, but I far prefer the more dignified methode-de-celebration of my childhood, when fans would celebrate a Royals World Series appearance with a fitful, desultory three-decade dry-hump. » 10/17/14 8:04pm 10/17/14 8:04pm

It makes sense, y'know, considering that they are from San Francisco, so a good-sized portion of their fanbase is a little, y'know...

[Flips-flops loose wrist]
[Splays fingers colorfully]
[Shakes hand around rhythmically]
[Finishes spelling "dilettantes and bandwagon jumpers" in ASL] » 10/16/14 10:24am 10/16/14 10:24am

"I'll be right over, bud— I just have to do some Liquid Cocaine shots, drive around in the dark for a while, open some beer bottles with my teeth, fill up on buffet sushi, jump off some roofs into backyard pools, set some farts on fire with a commercial butane lighter, subscribe to a bunch of CD-of-the-month clubs,… » 10/16/14 8:56am 10/16/14 8:56am