Cardinals PR writer: [Picks up tablet]
Cardinals PR writer: [Writes "Practicing balance and agility drills"]
Cardinals PR writer: [Deletes]
Cardinals PR writer: [Writes "Developing new swim move"]
Cardinals PR writer: [Deletes]
Cardinals PR writer: [Writes "Spiritual sabbatical studying Holy Spirit"]
Cardinals PR writer: » 7/29/14 9:31am Today 9:31am

[Spins around until dizzy]
[Falls down]
[Makes fart noise]
[Tries to play Angry Birds on iPad; whines for ten minutes when app doesn't work]

-Adorable Kid's reaction to his Dad feeding him, housing him, and generally ensuring his well-being for the last six years » 7/28/14 10:01pm Yesterday 10:01pm

We're the same bunch who came to the defense of one of our own when she posted one of the most gut-wrenching things to ever see the light of day here, and yet we casually cartwheel the other way, desperately, for a few laughs when it's a woman being drug across a fucking hallway that we hardly know.

I think that's a…
» 7/24/14 9:43pm Thursday 9:43pm

Senior sousaphone: BLOW YOUR HORN, FROSH!
Freshman sousaphone: [Blows with gusto]
Senior sousaphone: WORK THOSE BUTTONS, FROSH!
Freshman sousaphone: [Works fingers nervously]
Senior sousaphone: NOW BLOW HARDER, FROSH— DON'T YOU LIKE THIS, FROSH? BLOW!
Freshman sousaphone: [Blows harder]
Senior sousaphone: [Chuckles] THAT'S… » 7/24/14 3:33pm Thursday 3:33pm

[Reads headline]

"I KNEW IT! I knew there was a reason I loved watching him play, to the point where he gave me gigantic erections I felt compelled to hide!"

[Claps excitedly; shoots 'finger-guns;' flashes 1000-kW smile]
[Bangs Bonds-erection on concrete planter; gets Bonds-erection caught in nearby door]
[Claps… » 7/24/14 3:01pm Thursday 3:01pm

Despite the court's decision not to impose criminal punishment, the conduct was incompatible with NFL policies and warranted disciplinary action... As you acknowledged during our meeting, your conduct was unquestionably inconsistent with league policies and the standard of behavior required of everyone who is part of… » 7/24/14 1:53pm Thursday 1:53pm

Dungy: I was a bit surprised about the outcome here. When I last spoke to him, I did say that I noticed several matters that could become issues in the future. I did not wish to have direct involvement in those issues, but... [pauses] I certainly did not want to have a role in making those issues worse. If that was… » 7/22/14 2:22pm 7/22/14 2:22pm

SMART FIXER-UPPER AVAILABLE TO RENT/BUY:

Terrible outside, sorta terrible inside, iffy downstairs, creaky upstairs, not so great for entertaining... but OH, THAT UTILITY SERVICE! Are you willing to pay way more than market rate? Just give it a good shot—
just one good shot for F*CK'S SAKE!— and it may eventually be… » 7/22/14 1:23pm 7/22/14 1:23pm

You know what stinks? Rushing through the execution of a switcheroo dialogue joke, and getting everything right... except, y'know, the whole reveal.

It's SO not plain what my intent is here, is it?

http://screengrabber.deadspin.com/star-wars-is-c... » 7/21/14 8:18pm 7/21/14 8:18pm